In My Time Of Dying
by anyanka730
Summary: What is your reason for living? What is your reason for dying? Does life even matter at all? Or is the only thing that matters, who is there when it's all over?


_**Ash**_

There ain't nothing like dying.

There's a whole lot of pain that rips through every bit of your body, consuming you and burning everything inside and out and then suddenly...you can't feel a damn thing.

The last thing I saw were the flames.

For too long I saw those flames and heard those voices screaming and crying.

I smelled burning bodies, knowing mine would be next.

I smelled burning booze too. What a waste.

A waste of so many people. So many good people.

Ellen was on the phone with me.

She knew what was happening, but tried remaining calm.

After all, it was her bar.

She told me not to let them get to the basement.

She said if they got down there, it would be all for nothing. I had to protect it with my life.

What was in that safe in the basement? Fuck if I know.

I burnt up before I could even hang up the phone.

Thank God they weren't there.

If there even is a God.

Thank God she wasn't there.

Not Ellen. Fuck no. Gotta love Ellen, but she's not the one I'm talking about.

It's the other one.

I wanna say the last thing that crossed my mind was her, but that would be some sappy lie.

I was thinking about how fucking disgusting it was to die this way. How much it hurt.

I think I passed out before I could even try to run away.

The smoke'll do that to you.

Not even a minute later it was like I had crossed over into some sorta new dimension.

The Roadhouse was gone.

The fire was gone.

Trees and grass and nature shit was all around me and it actually looked like it could be a kind of paradise.

I laughed to myself.

What a fucked up fairytale dream.

But it wasn't long til I realized it was no dream.

It was quiet. Peaceful.

For one thing, I was back to normal me.

No burns. No dead stuff.

Just me.

In Heaven.

But something was missing.

_**Jo**_

What the hell am I doing here?

That was pretty much all I was thinking the whole time we were walking through that empty street.

Not empty.

Not empty because of the Hellhounds.

There were hellhounds everywhere.

Why did I try to help?

I don't know, I guess I was trying to be valiant. Brave.

Trying to be a big girl.

But really, I was just a kid.

Mom was right.

I realize that now.

I didn't think I would go like this.

I mean, I've been cut before, bruised, broken some bones, even had a few concussions.

Hell, I was taken over by a demon, but none of that compares to this.

I guess that's why they call it a fatal wound.

Fatalities. And I'm one of them.

They ripped my guts out.

Literally, I could feel the holes they made. The pieces of my body no longer a part of me.

I felt myself being carried away.

Felt them trying to patch me up.

No use.

They knew it too.

But they're good people.

They weren't gonna let me die for nothin'.

A bomb.

That was my bright idea.

Blow the whole place up so those dogs couldn't take anyone else to hell with them.

They set me up.

Had me hold that little trigger.

But things were blurring in my vision.

Those cuts and fatal wounds were numbing and so was every part of my body.

Mom knew it too.

She saw the life drain out of me.

I hated her seeing me like that.

But there wasn't much I could do.

Dean kissed me.

Yeah, I know. About time, right?

After all these years I could never make up my mind.

Was he like a brother to me or something more?

It didn't matter now.

I felt the breath slowly making its way out of my lungs before it stopped.

Mom knelt down next to me.

Let me be strong. Let me make you proud.

But at that moment I knew I already had.

_**Ash**_

They were here.

Sam and Dean Winchester.

I guess a man never escapes his work, right?

They wanted my help and fuck, why would I say no?

Everything in and out of this world is falling apart and I can feel it.

Being in my own personalized heaven doesn't mean I ain't a part of things.

There's angels and demons and hunters all in some big war. Some big war I was once a part of.

Now I'm just a helper.

Some guy up in the clouds, taking in visitors every once and a blue moon.

Having the Roadhouse all to myself is kind of cool.

Kind of.

I guess that's what heaven is like.

Eternal peace and happiness. Alone.

Until someone I know dies, I'm stuck here alone.

I got all the PBR to last a lifetime or two, but no one to share it with.

I get a few travelers coming in for a drink on their way to their own paradise, but no one special ever comes by.

That's a good thing. Right?

That means everyone's still alive.

I guess that's one of the reasons I was so surprised to see the Winchesters.

Hadn't seen any real friends in years.

That would be Earth years, let me point out. Time ain't really a problem up here.

They reminded me of what it was like to live again.

Or at least pretend to live.

Fuck, it was great seeing them.

It was motherfucking great until they asked if I'd seen her.

They told me she had died. Died saving Sam and Dean Winchester.

How stupid could they have been?

I pretended like it was no big deal. Waved it off and saved those thoughts, those questions for later after they had gone.

Did it hurt? Of course it hurt.

Was it fast? Probably not.

The more I thought about it, the more pissed I got.

Not even the drinks behind the counter could help.

I was pissed that she was gone.

That the stupid world below had lost someone special.

And that she was in her own separate heaven.

And I was here.

_**Jo**_

Everything went black.

When I felt myself land on solid ground, the color started coming back and the world around me shifted.

It took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust before I realized where I was.

I was standing at the pond behind the house I grew up in.

The moon's reflection on the water reminded me of when I was a kid and I would fish at that pond.

Everything was simpler then. Happier.

That's when I knew I was dead.

And that this was heaven.

I had made it to heaven.

Whoever God was, he had a pretty funny idea of heaven and hell.

There were no clouds or harps playing music.

No cherubs or flying carriages.

Just a place from my memories.

Across the pond I saw the house. Lights were on inside.

Mom and dad were at the table.

That's right. Mom and dad.

We hugged. And cried. And hugged some more.

Then we made dinner. Loads of food that I hadn't even tasted since I was a kid.

We talked. Danced to old vinyl records.

We were a family again.

Apparently, you can get tired in Heaven.

They shut the lights off and went upstairs. I sat looking out the window.

That's when I saw it.

Off in the distance, through the trees and thicket of the woods outside my house, I saw a flickering yellow light.

Curiosity was always my downfall. Well that and my temper. And my stubbornness.

I guess I have a lot of downfalls.

But I followed that light.

I followed it through the woods. Tree branches tugging at my jeans, fireflies dancing in the darkness, until I reached what was obviously my destination.

For some reason the Roadhouse looked different to me.

Now that I'm dead, it has a certain new charm.

There was music coming from inside. REO to be exact.

Smiling I opened the door.

It was empty inside. Empty until I saw who was behind the counter.

The grin that grew on his face made me laugh. He looked relieved. Or maybe shocked. Maybe both.

I think I was too.

He walked over to me.

I think the music got louder because I couldn't hear anything else.

How did he remember this was my favorite song?

He took my hand and even though I knew he couldn't dance and I had never been one for having much balance, it was the best dance of my no longer living life.


End file.
